Lawyers of all the world, this is for you :)

This goes to all my lawyer friends (or those who are about to become one) in a desperate hope they will not risk their reputation by asking questions like that....

**These are jokes taken from the book 'Desordem no tribunal' ("Disorder in the court"). These things were really said by people participating in the cases. My admiration goes to the guys who had to maintain a straight face while listening to this...

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness 15th July.
lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.
_________________
Lawyer: This illness, miastenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And how does it affect your memory?
Witness: Well, I forget things...
Lawyer: Oh, so you forget things...Could you please give the court an example of something you have forgotten?
_________________
Lawyer: How old is your son?
Witness: 38 or 35, I don't remember...
Lawyer: And for how many years has he been living with you?
Witness: For 45 years...
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Lawyer: Your youngest son, the one who's 20....
Witness: Yes?
Lawyer: How old is he?
__________________
Lawyer: This photography of you...Were you present when it was taken?
__________________
Lawyer: So, the date when your baby was conceived is 8th of August?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing that day?
__________________
Lawyer: She had 3 children, is that right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many of them were boys?
Witness: Noone.
Lawyer: And how many girls?
_________________
Lawyer: Mr Marcos, why did your last marriage finish?
Witness: Because of the death of my wife.
Lawyer: And you think it's a good enough reason?!
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Lawyer: Could you describe the suspect?
Witness: He was of a medium stature and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was it a man or a woman?
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Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies on dead people have you already performed?
Witness: All of the autopsies I have performed were on dead people....
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Lawyer: Here in the court, your answer to all of my questions must be oral, understand? So, which school did you attend?
Witness: Oral.
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Lawyer: Doctor, do you remember at what time did you start the autopsy of the victim?
Witness: Yes sir, it was at 20:30.
Lawyer: And the victim was already dead at that hour?
Witness: No...he was sitting on the examination table, asking himself why the hell I am performing an autopsy on him.
_________________

This is the best......

Lawyer: Doctor, before performing the autopsy, did you check the pulse of the victim?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check arterial pressure?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: And did you check the breathing?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: So, it is possible that the victim was still alive???
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure of that?
Witness: Because the brain of the victim was deposited in a jar on the table.
Lawyer: But it is still possible that the victim was alive....?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could be alive and practicing law at some place!!!


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Special thanks to Alejandro, who keeps a smile on my face by sending me jokes almost daily!
Amo vc, doidaum! :)